We are constantly thinking about what we are working on, and we simply love to share it with you! We truly believe that the magical connection between creators and theatregoers continues long after the curtain falls, and we want you to discover our creative thoughts, our challenges, and how the wonderful productions you see come to life. That is why the #blogreactor section brings you delightful texts, collages, and reflections from the brilliant artists behind the scenes.

Cosmin Stănilă has been a beloved guest actor at Reactor since 2018. We can't quite recall if he joined the Cluj National Theatre before or after, but he certainly manages to split his time beautifully between both stages, making every opportunity to work with him an absolute joy! Since our very first collaboration on the show "Noi nu, niciodată" (Not Us, Never), Cosmin—affectionately known as Coco—has remained close to our hearts in various roles, most recently as a Drama 5 resident playwright and later as a stage dramaturg for the show "Toate lucrurile pe care mi le-a luat Alois" (All the Things Alois Took from Me). We've been eagerly awaiting the premiere of "În sfârșit sfârșitul" (Finally the End) since 2019, and now, finally... here it is!

I dreamed I woke up with a baby at Reactor. My baby. It was a funny-looking little thing, with a huge head and a face far too mature for its age. And with one eye more closed than the other. It will open, someone told me, it just takes a little while. I felt nothing for it but a bit of repulsion for that closed eye and a hope that it would grow a bit handsomer, with a smaller head. It had snow on it; I had left its stroller out in the snowfall. I pulled it under the eaves and shook it off. I didn't quite know how to push the stroller. Then, it got up and started to walk! It asked me if it was doing it right. Is this how you walk? Yes, that's how you walk, I said. It stopped. How do you walk? it asked me. And then it couldn't walk anymore.

Just a few days before we finished working on the show Finally the End, I posted this on Facebook. I didn't run off then to search The Interpretation of Dreams for what exactly a funny-looking baby with a big head and a mature face and/or talking babies who are way too small might mean. I didn't look it up then, but I just visited www.vise.ro, and here is the delightful revelation:

Funny-looking babies indicate minor character flaws.

A crawling baby suggests that you will be able to act and think on your own.

Anddd that's pretty much where my grand psychoanalytic investigation ends, from which I can happily conclude that I have minor character flaws (what on earth do you have to dream to realize you have major character flaws?) and that I can think on my own. Right up until the moment I realize I'm thinking on my own. After that, boom, I'm stuck!

When I had the dream, I interpreted it much more simply—it's the show's fault! Since in Finally the End I play the role of an expectant father—I hadn't even realized I was at an age where that's highly plausible—the situation probably just snuck into my mind and popped up at night. I was thrilled that my subconscious was doing the work I was too lazy to do consciously—the dream could have easily belonged to the character! Except for the part about being at Reactor. That would have been just too meta. Adam—his name is actually Him, but one day we thought of giving him a friendlier yet equally generic name—really wants the child, but that probably still didn't spare him from those classic fears like, "Oh my goodness, what if I can't love it?" Spoiler alert: Eve (that is, Her, Him's wife) is the one with the bigger doubts about bringing a baby into the world.

Because of the Woman, the leader of an anti-humanist sect (whom we shall call Lily from now on), Eve begins to question the ecological choice of having a child. Not Him, though; he's a sensible man with his head on his shoulders who doesn't listen to such nonsense. That's just Him. I, on the other hand, don't really know what to say—I might be a bit more easily influenced! Fortunately, I'm still too young (and immature) to seriously think about having a child. The only choice where the ecological argument carried any weight for me was whether or not to buy a car, but even then, it was probably no more than thoughts like well, parking in Cluj is a nightmare anyway, and riding a bike is much nicer and healthier. My daily life isn't overly burdened by the planet going to ruin—I try not to use straws and (too many) plastic bags, and that's about it. But Lily's perspective definitely gives you food for thought! In an American play, Lungs, there's a line that goes something like: I could fly to New York and back every day for seven years and still not leave a carbon footprint as big as I would by having a child. Ten tons of carbon dioxide. That's the weight of the Eiffel Tower. I'd be giving birth to the Eiffel Tower. The girl in Lungs has a point. If we truly cared only about the planet's well-being, we would stop multiplying. We'd make do with the bare necessities, as Lily says at one point in the show. Just like that catchy song from The Jungle Book!

Look for the bare necessities

The simple bare necessities

Forget about your worries and your strife!

Except that the "bare necessities" is a very broad concept, as broad as nature itself, and the recipe isn't quite as simple as it seems when a cheerful, friendly bear sings it. Lily's bare necessities are dangerously strict, and finding the middle ground between fanaticism and ignorance isn't easy. The creative process for our show began in February and wrapped up in June (if a dress rehearsal without an audience can be called a wrap), with a pandemic-induced break between March and May. So, thoughts about the show, Lily's ideology, what the bare necessities truly mean, the other species we struggle to coexist with, and ecologists' warnings about global warming all collided with theories about the new virus. Covid 19 – When the Earth Strikes Back, was the title of an article suggesting the virus originated as a sort of revenge by the planet for all the injustices committed by humanity over the last centuries. So many photos emerged from all over the world of animal species returning to their former habitats that "With people in lockdown, wildlife returns to..." became a viral meme format. There were many sensible voices arguing that we should reconsider our consumerist lives because, hey, we managed for two months without international flights, without factories running at full steam, and generally with much less—just the bare necessities!

It's so hard for me to position myself between those who deny global warming altogether or claim the planet will die eventually anyway so why restrict ourselves, and those in the deep ecology movement who campaign against having children. What I do know is that if the planet's well-being came first in our lives, we would stop doing many things we now find indispensable. And we certainly wouldn't make theatre anymore! There would be no reason to waste funds, materials, electricity, and human energy to create fictional worlds while the real world is crumbling. Theatre isn't "necessary" in a practical sense; its resources could be used much more efficiently, just like the musicians on the Titanic could have done something more useful while the ship was sinking—but wouldn't that have been a terrible shame?

Fun-creepy fact: Lily, the nickname Diana Dragoș gave to the Woman's character, has a very ancient origin! Lilith, in fact, appears in a medieval Jewish text as the first wife of Adam. Lilith is also mentioned in legends as a demonic figure associated with infanticide. In the Bible, she appears a few times as the night monster. But the strangest part is that one of the earliest historical references to Lilith's existence dates back to 2400 BC, on a list of Sumerian demons, describing a terrifying group of "Lillu demons" with succubus-like traits, known for "visiting sleeping men in their dreams to seduce them and bear grotesque children." [1]

[1] https://www.vice.com/ro/article/599q3z/demonul-alungat-din-rai-pentru-ca-a-refuzat-pozitia-misionarului

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