Ioana Toloargă- on the joy of personal playwriting!

This November, Reactor is absolutely thrilled to present the premiere of "Under Water," part of the 7th edition of the wonderful Drama 5 project! "Under Water" is a captivating play based on a text by Ioana Toloargă, a talented participant in this year's Drama 5 residency whose work was selected to be brought to life on stage. We happily asked Ioana to share a bit more about her residency experience, her magical writing process, and the excitement of working on stage. Here is the lovely story she shared with us:

I truly believe in writing that is personal and beautifully vulnerable, in one way or another. For me, a text must be a genuine act of honesty with myself so that it can truly speak to someone else later on! When I signed up for Drama 5, all I knew was that I wanted to write about loneliness and the imaginative scenarios a woman (my character) plays out in her mind, running alongside an otherwise very ordinary existence. Every time I realize I might lack "life experience," I playfully tell myself: "Yes, but I have such a rich inner life!" That is exactly how I envisioned this character, in the spirit of this personal theatre. And, come to think of it, we are all a bit like that: more the sum of the wonderful things we imagine than the things we actually experience (which are infinitely fewer!).

I was quite sure at first that it wouldn't be a personal text in an auto-fictional sense (though I might have been wrong there, especially since I later realized everything I write eventually becomes beautifully personal!). I originally pictured it with existentialist and absurd highlights, imagining a play filled with comforting, compensatory narratives. 

I applied with lots of excitement and a couple of fragments, which happily found their way, fully polished, into the final version. I didn’t have a rigid plan, but the theme absolutely captivated me because it touches on my biggest fear. During the interview, I shared that I wanted to capture a recurring sensation from my life—that dreamlike feeling of being right on the edge between dreaming and waking, presence and absence, like being under dense layers of water that are wonderfully transparent yet press down on your every move. This fascinating life of an underwater creature, cozy in its own protective, isolated habitat, was what truly inspired me! I also knew I wanted to write about the sensory experience of living in a body—which feels like a beautiful daily revelation to me.

I was absolutely overjoyed when I was selected for Drama 5! At the same time, I realized I had almost no certainties about what I was going to write. At my first face-to-face meeting with the wonderful Alina Nelega, whom I warmly thank for her amazing mentorship during the residency, and my four fantastic fellow playwrights (absolute wonders!), I vaguely told them about a place near my home—a concrete pool on the edge of town that had never been filled with water. This unique space, along with some of the gorgeous photos taken by Irisz Kovacs for the residency posters, became the creative engine for building the play's atmosphere. I wrote in playful, fragmentary bursts, letting the collage of elements delightfully combine and recombine!

Loneliness is something so vast and yet so wonderfully intimate, as I happily discovered through writing and our great feedback sessions. So, during the residency, the play also bloomed into a story about anxiety and the fear of death, which is really just the flip side of the exciting fear of living fully!

The residency was incredibly helpful! From our warm group discussions that gently questioned our creative "whys" to the wonderful supportive environment, it was pure joy. Normally, I can only write in complete solitude at home during the quiet hours of the night. But during the residency, it was absolutely magical to read our texts out loud to one another! This didn't just satisfy my love for hearing the text spoken; it gave me a healthy, exciting distance. I thought I would be nervous hearing my own words (and sometimes I was!), but we built such a warm, safe space together. I learned so much about my own voice and found answers to questions I hadn't even whispered out loud. I am so deeply grateful for this wonderful micro-community we created!

Looking back, I think I wrote a personal text from the very start—perhaps that is the only way I know how to write! It is a piece about anxieties, beautifully filtered through the lenses of my years on earth and the stories I've loved hearing. I was so incredibly happy when friends, colleagues, the creative team, and even kind strangers found pieces of themselves in these words!

When I first started studying Literature and Theatre, I kept a secret, joyful dream of writing and, one day, directing my own plays. I let go of it quite easily in my first semester—I can't even remember why! But it happily returned in my third year, and directing felt like a natural, exciting extension of the writing process, continuing the same beautiful search.

On the other hand, writing a play can feel like a wonderfully solitary adventure at first, before it gloriously connects with the stage. For me, writing means turning my gaze warmly inward, while directing is a beautiful way of turning my attention outward to celebrate others.

As we began working on the show, I really wanted it to be a collaborative learning journey where I didn't have to carry all the control. Seeing my play being staged is an absolute, overwhelming joy! It was a bit different from my previous experience in the Fresh Start residency, which was more devised. Here, with the text already written, I thought my job was mostly done before rehearsals. But I was so glad to find that wasn't the case! We happily worked together to polish the draft, shaping it into something even more dynamic and ready for the stage magic.

I don't feel any gap between the message of the play and the spirit of the show—quite the opposite! The staging beautifully amplifies, gives life, and creates wonderful connections. I don't write to deliver heavy, rigid messages, but to craft moods and atmospheres. I would love for the audience to feel deeply and, at the curtain call, leave their worries behind. While writing this was an intense journey of peeling back layers of anxiety, the final show is designed to bring light and hope! As my own first spectator, I hope this production gives us a good, exciting stir and then fills us all with bright confidence!

It was absolutely fascinating to see how the text was embraced by others during our readings! I discovered lovely hidden themes and intentions that the audience could playfully fill in. At first, I was a bit worried about the heavier tones in the script, but working on stage with our wonderful director, Olivia Grecea, brought everything together beautifully. Every discussion with her gave the collage of text a marvelous, cohesive sense of flow, adding delightful moments of breathing room and lightness.

When I write, I am happily obsessed with creating a sensory atmosphere! The character expresses herself through a vibrant chorus of inner voices. Working with the team on stage gave me the joyful privilege of physically meeting my own character's world. I loved watching these atmospheric bubbles come to life, helping me fine-tune the rhythm with the team's wonderful support. I am still happily learning the art of letting go of certain lines to make the story shine even brighter. The collaboration with this amazing team has been an absolute dream in helping me see the text clearly and bring it to its happiest, most vibrant form!